Funniest Auditions Ever On Got Talent Around The WorldVol. 1

You Huh? Good evening. What's your name? My name is Steven holl Steven home h a double L. Thank you for clarifying that How old are you steven? I'm 53 and um what's your job I would telecommunications engineer Do you think that what you're gonna? Do for us is suitable for the royal variety I do indeed. Yes, okay? You've got two minutes to possibly change the rest of your life.

Good luck Thank you Here we go You broke my heart Cuz I could dance You didn't even want me around but now I'm back to Let you know that I can really shake him down I What is he gonna do? Hello Good evening. How are you good? Thank you good good right? Tell us a bit about yourself My name is Mark Matata come from Paris warm door. So what are you gonna? Do for us today? I have a special guest for you, okay. Can I invite sure yeah, just for you, miss Wendy Come on Sit down, okay.

You're come fall down. Don't worry It is she lovely Hello. I am mark metal. I am a 61 and I've come from Paris Are you forget about today? Well? You know when you work with with a live dog It's always anything can happen yeah flashing.

I grew up in a little village in France and my parents was beach Farmers it's a it was a hard life. If you're like, bitch. I can bring your good one So we hurt okies one day. It's a rottweiler.

I. Abyss dog since he has two months without air. I will be nothing you think about your audition Everything gonna be all right no vivian my wife she told me you are crazy to make a prudential talent Is to play in front of oil familiar for me? It's like a dream. I'm always dreaming even at my age Whenever you're ready Hey, you can say you good evening.

You speak English? It's my night come on. Hey say something no What what why not? It's fantastic come on the presidency dirge. Yes, oh no, no listen in English see Spanish we can say okay? Hey, Wendy listen to me. You think I am stupid.

Yes? So well you don't want to speak anymore. No, okay, and now oh yes. I want You know you know how to sing know what yes yes, yes Well, we'll listen to [you] Its bow wow and you understand? Music plays we're going to sing something for you. All right.

Okay. Don't look at me look at me audience. Ten exact feelings come on Nothing more. I'll see you know Trying to fucking or together okay? No, please come on.

Eh pretty good talent, okay, [ought] to get that feeling me oh Oh, no God spice is awesome This is my good friend pissarro. It's a Brazilian word It means bird bird Bird bird They call me bird Bird Bird mutant Look at her. Miss Miss French see the Vixen of diddly It's actually vicar of Dibley you'd pray for what you want all three for what I want That's funny who the hell is that? That's Kyle? He's ugly. That's enough.

[You] don't sorry That was a matter of time You don't tell him he's ugly huh, you don't do that Apologize tell him you're sorry. I'm sorry. You're ugly no I apologize kool. I'm sorry.

I love you in this french Don't say that I'll answer talk to her properly engage her in conversation How old are you no? No no? You don't ask a lady her age What you're you don't know I? Love [you]. I know you love us stop saying it I. Love you Alright, that's enough. That's enough.

I gonna sing to her There's no song we're not doing as long hit the music and I I will always love sure Always stay off we go With a fairy tale of love. Thank you This is the story about love when a guy eats a girl in a bar. He see the girl Only wants to say he's a great big hello She looked lovely the dress that night. She was wearing boys She wasn't looking at it.

So he showed her his best dance mouse I am so feelin Hey, Wanna drink what you want? Why? Fair enough Girl looks like I in says I'm sorry. I've got a little toilet don't go he says please don't go I love this act. Oh the girl comes back Hey, when I come back to my place with coffee the guy says hey, I got The guy got the girl and now they be together for 45 years Is it merry tale Mama? Thank you? What's your name David? And what's your right boot and dancing dude you aspire to be like in the world of dancing who are your heroes? One of my ears is Justin timberlake okay off you go ah I see you comb your hair and give me that Grin It's making me Spin now spinning within before I melt like snow. I say hello How do you do? David look the truth.

Is that you are completely and utterly useless right [beautiful]. No absolutely not What happened? What about To battle you, huh? Made a mockery of me who did Simon the judges and all the sign up mostly or Nia now I just feel stupid being there on that stage and from all those people telling them running off What would you regret swear at them now? Regret running off Jonica back on and and speak to the judges in Apologize Mary and I. Have a conversation with them. Yeah.

Yeah, what's this order ok goner? All right? Stars I want to apologize to all of your audience for the losing it in front of you, but it was a try and as Well unfortunate I come here to apologize and to talk to them and all you can do is say that they come off it kicked off again ah Ok we didn't actually say anything been waiting. So my mother's getting a mockery from the audience now Do you know that feel stan yeah, but you don't listen to me you you chose [to] come here today? You chose to show us [your] skills in front of this audience. What do you expect if it doesn't go your way? It's not always gonna. Go your ways.

It's in the boy David if Nobody's Let's not forget from an audience after trying to apologize they stand on the stage and do it I'm everybody like you have yeah, I'm just got to carry on what I want to do, right I gotta show that Simon cowell that who's boss. See. That's a better attitude. Yeah before running are a lot better Yes, so they can all go and beep What see it come on? Yeah? Go on tell him tell him they can oh I'm gonna when you answer okay also fiance Soldiers have done this one hope You want to do it? Yeah? Let's get you home, and go make them.

Love all yours. Good luck have fun Hello Hi, it was named got this candice were you from Latvia ok from Latvia? Why did you why'd you come here? I came came here to live my name is gud dis [candace] and I'm originally from Latvia But now I live in the west hendon near Sainsbury's and I'm gonna be doing stand-up comedy and the gigs I've been doing people usually laugh, but then sometimes I get high cold and it's painful and Sometimes they're just quiet. Which is also in full well as the forward to seeing simon Then I found out Carmen Electra's Gonna be there very excited to see her and desert of judges Oh David Walliams is obviously he's a comedian all right, okay, I? Didn't know the David's Gonna be dead. Okay dealer.

Who he is? Okay, good luck um okay Okay, I hello are there any guys with big muscles in the audience? No, good, then I'll talk about them You know you know those big muscles make those guys so heavy that they cannot write a pony however They can break a fragile toilet seat. I mean, I mean do they work out to attract the ladies Well actually the ladies are attracted to what's inside of a man Back me up ladies if you agree say year Rapidly moving on Public toilets can't live without them can't live in the meter because there is no fridge and microwave they're Often when I use the male toilet some guys their part very loud, and I don't like that So when possible I sneak into the ladies toilets instead because they're much more discreet about it Well at least when they know that I am there A Seeing is believing and weighing is relieving Hey, the funniest quote we've had malice me more Re well now you never well you you're a person What's going on here? You are the funniest Unfunny asst comedian I have ever heard in my life. I mean Absolute Rubbish, but it actually really really made me laugh Now that that was my aim to make you like what you've certainly did that gatos it was so bad that it was actually brilliant Yeah, you mustn't change you seriously must not change even the jumper keep the job [barotrauma] done is nothing wrong with it. It's hilarious I'm gonna kick this off because you did actually make me laugh, and that's what comedians are supposed to do so I'm gonna say yes I'm just say yes It's a [note] from me today So it rests with me The way you must judge comedy is did it make you laugh? Made me laugh.

I'm gonna say yeah Let's see under all that facial fuzz our judges can find a whisker of talent is all but is all that real It's real yet thought right he obviously brothers. We are we twins yeah What are your names the Nelson twins it nelson twins and have you been performing along? Well, I've been performing for about five years and know hopefully he starts [tonight] All right, well let's have a look at what you got like. Oh, thank you Well, it's great to be here. I'm not excited on beside myself Good evening.

Everyone where the nelson twins my name's Justin and this is my identical twin sister Sharon We should tell you a bit about ourselves We come from a small country town in new South Wales Corps ball Boundary and we used to be apprentice Baker's Which is a coincidence cuz we're inbred Wall Boundary was a small town it had one shot one pub in one prostitute Haha, mum, found a pretty tough working three jobs our mom didn't [even] know she was having twins until she was six months pregnant and Our dad was even more surprised because he'd been in jail for three years Boom twins we can send each other telepathic messages, but telstra found out about it, [and] [it's] now in [building] plan It's really frustrating knowing what each other's thinking we once played a game of rock-Paper-scissors that lasted three years I. Really hate gone through airport security at the moment, but I love flying cuz every time we catch a flight somewhere I always sit at the front of the plane, and he sits at the red Then I'll tell the gay flight attendant to meet me at the back in five minutes Sorry bit nervous Who are you? I'm phil w green and I'm 21, and I'm gonna be doing comedy impressions But let you do this full time No, I don't know. What do you do? I work at body shop at the moment as a customer consultant, but your dream is to be a big Jess I'd love to be on stage Philip did you bring anyone with you, sir? Yeah, my friend Christy. She work a body shop She did, but she's recently left why because she found a better job where and she now works and at Baratz so Hope is good after all of this, okay will Phillip.

You've got roughly two minutes. Let's do it. Okay Hello, I'm getting a better day I'd say we're going to be health working out So everyone put your hands out in front of you spread [your] legs and do some squats Miami baby a Martin Fowler Sofa is there. I don't quite a wimpy [Pal] winching oh It's so nice to be here.

I mean we sure and to just get is absolutely fantastic You know what I'm gonna meet her hello. Oh, thanks for having [a] child rang. Oh Juan de jongh recently oh my God. I mean.

I saw this one's that's or even more one's house. I won't be secret away, oh My goodness. Have you seen [the] Bacteria in here it is awful. Isn't that right kim? Oh? That stinks don't it's me And um I swear Thank you very much need how many of you here tonight all ready to enter the land of make-believe Looks like how he's already in the land of make-believe Which makes you the perfect person to join me up here on stage would you mind let's hear it for Howie Mandel everyone Yes, thank you in your own time Howie I understand your logic the longer the longer you take the shorter my act I quarless and have a seat there Howie tonight live from radio City you are going to become a human Ventriloquist Dummy Okay, now all you have to do [all] you have to do is keep looking out there all right Let me do all the talking okay, and I've got to say that's a pretty good fit By the way, this is Charlie.

Are you okay? Charlie? Yes? Thank you First of all we got to find you a voice. I mean it matches your physical appearance something butch something macho. Are you okay? Well, it shots me. It shocked me.

I was only joking I'm going to change the voice no. No I like it Okay, I want to say hello to my fans you want to say hello to this lock yes [turn] the people on the right get My big wave say hello Hello Nicely done now the people on the left say hi to them Yeah And now that people write up a talking my big sexy. Hello Hello Did you see them waving back yeah idiots now stop touching me what get away? What [stop] touching me? What do you mean? I'm not touching get away, okay, all right. All right is that far enough? Perfect Hi, how are you doing that? I've got a little controller in my hand here.

Oh wow that's amazing He's got a controller. He can control me. Yes, that's right. [Oh] now.

We can have some fun I don't want to be a judge. No. I want to be an act You want to be an actress? You go and judge me you want me to judge you yes go and sit in my seat I can't sit in your seat. No, no I insist well if you insist Hello fellow judges It's great to be here [okay], so I can't believe I'm the judge on America's got talent.

So what's your name well? My name is um my name um sorry. I don't get nervous. Don't worry take your time My name is harry. Hello good evening how and what are you gonna? Do for us tonight tonight? I want to do my dancing Look you.

You don't have to know now. I really want to Okay, so do you have some moves you like to show us. Oh yes, let me stand up first of all Here I go Okay, first of all I'd like to stretch. I'm going to do some stretching.

I'll just stretch my arms like this and my legs like news Ok so now to business okay. What are you gonna? Do I'm gonna show you my twerking So I Turn around I turn around I Put my hands on the seat, and I wiggle my [back] Um is that it? Oh yes hang on let me turn around again. Yes. Ok so that was fantastic.

Don't make me laugh though I can't make you talk and I love So what are you gonna? Do for your performance this evening tonight? I'm gonna do some Irish dancing really naked I. I really don't think this is the show for that, so well when you're ready the stage is yours cue the music Is this working yet? I guess the ring near you tastic, okay mmM. You're playing we could go [on] all night like this. Yes, you want to yeah, I wouldn't be great.

Haha What is your name? My name is Ray? Jessel would you share with us your age is that really of meat? I've got plenty to share yeah 84 84 are you excited to be here. I've never performed before judges before I've appeared before judges Crane what will you be doing for us today a song I've written can't wait to hear it alrighty. Thank you Thank you, sir. Very good.

That's wonderful Okay, and for my second song I'd like to I Met this girl She's just great this girl. I just adore the problem is She has much more than I had bargained for She's got that style She's got that smile. She's got the walk She's got the talk. She's got that zing.

There's just one thing She's got a penis She's got that flair that was what to wear? He's got a nice that girlish great students got pizzazz too bad she has a penis There's always some failure always some flaw ain't that what they call Murphy's law but male Genitalia, that's where I draw the line Besides hers is bigger than mine Cuz under that dress she's gotta be and is yes oh.

Labels: FUNNY

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